Subject: Definitions (Page 49)

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Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

Definitions Doctors Health

Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.

Definitions Work

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Neighbor: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions

Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Camp: A place in the country where a mother sends her children for her vacation.

Definitions Places

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

Definitions Work

Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.

Activities Definitions

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Monarch: A king with a good publicity man.

Definitions

Infant Prodigies: Young people with highly imaginative parents.

Children Definitions Family