Subject: Definitions (Page 59)

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Hypochondriac: Someone who enjoys bad health.

Aground: When a boat makes the discovery that all water has land under it.

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents.

Bore: A person who deprives you with solitude without providing company.


Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Racehorse: A fast means of redistributing wealth.

Adage: To become older.

Pessimist: A person who looks at a doughnut and sees nothing but the hole.

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Dictatorship: A system of government where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory.

Selfish: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Necktie: A decorative noose worn by businessmen.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Antibody: Against everyone.