Subject: Definitions (Page 66)

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Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Glutton: A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Eating

Sociology: Journalism without news.

Definitions

Punctuality: Waiting around for other people.

Definitions

Suntan: A pigment of your imagination.

Definitions

Loquacity: A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Conversation Definitions Language Speech

Experience: A form of knowledge acquired only two ways: by doing and being done.

Definitions

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Redneck: Popular term for a rustic male, but rarely employed when addressing one in person.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

Gold Digger: A woman after all.

Definitions People Women Wordplay

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Definitions Family

Hole-In-One: An occurrence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole on a single shot by a golfer playing alone.

Definitions Golf Sports

Misconception: A pregnancy occurring while taking birth control pills.

Definitions

Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.

Definitions

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions