Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Emotions
(Page 9)
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family… in another city.
George Burns
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Emotions
Family
Happiness
Relationships
Close-knit family
In another city
Always make the audience suffer as much as possible.
Alfred Hitchcock
(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Emotions
Entertainment
Film
Audiences
Suffering
In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
Mignon McLaughlin
(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Emotions
Love
Arithmetic
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
Samuel Butler
(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Emotions
Love
Of course it’s possible to love a human being if you don’t know them too well.
Charles Bukowski
(1920 – 1994) German-born author & poet
Emotions
Love
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions
Things
Women
Cigar
Occasional pleasure
Smoke
If love were oil, I'd be about a quart low.
Lewis Grizzard Jr.
(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Emotions
Love
Oil
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions
Laughter
Sex
Love is a lot like a backache… it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.
Gracie Allen
(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Emotions
Love
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies as a result.
E.B. White
(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Animals
Emotions
Humor
I know what they're waiting for…(the press) is waiting for (Michelle Obama) to get pissed one night and throw all The President's (stuff) out on the lawn.
Wanda Sykes
(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Beliefs
Emotions
Opinion
Barack Obama
Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
Karl M. Bowman MD
(1888 – 1973) American pioneer in the study of psychiatry
Emotions
Love
Marriage
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?
Greg Giraldo
(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Emotions
Self-esteem
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian; well, they’re not laughing now.
Bob Monkhouse
(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Emotions
Entertainment
Laughter
People
Comedians
All you really need is love… but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Lucy van Pelt
cartoon character in,
Peanuts
, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Emotions
Love
Chocolate
My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.
Richard Lewis
(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions
Family
Happiness
Joy
It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you.
Frank Dane
(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Emotions
Friends
Enemies
Hate
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Alcohol
Emotions
Food/Drink
Academy Awards
Suffering
Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.
Norm Papernick
Emotions
Intelligence
Laughter
Sanity
If I was doin’ any better, I’d have ta hire somebody to help me enjoy it!
Anonymous
Emotions
Expressions
Happiness
Life
I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.
David Hyde Pierce
(1959 – ) American actor
Emotions
TV/Movie Quotes
As Niles Crane in “Frasier”
Twinkle in her eye
Page 9 of 23
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