Subject: Family » Children (Page 5)

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian

A boy becomes a man when he stops asking his father for an allowance and requests a loan.

Kids used to ask you where they came from – now they tell you where to go.

You make ‘em, I amuse ‘em.

Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904 – 1991) author & illustrator

He’s going around putting little covers over the electrical outlets and all that stuff, and I’m like, ‘How the kids going to learn about electricity, huh?’

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

I get those maternal feelings; like when I’m laying on the couch and I can’t reach the remote control.

(1965 – ) American comedian

Most people make babies out to be very complicated, but the truth is they have only three moods:
1.Just about to cry 2. Crying 3. Just finished crying.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford… then I want to move in with them.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.

To be honest, I’m not sure the same kid comes home each night.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author

I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice [his daughter], I cannot possibly do both.

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Birthday parties always end in tears.

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

I’m so ugly – my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Margaret Addams: What.
Debbie Jellinsky: Oh, I didn’t say anything.
Margaret Addams: No, that’s the baby’s nickname, What … from the obstetrician.

(1941 – ) American actress

Alarm clock: An instrument used to wake up people who have no kids.

To me life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer