Subject: Family » Parents (Page 3)

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Family Parents Situations

You might be a redneck if… your parents met at a family reunion.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Parents People Rednecks

My parents divorced when I was one year old so I don't really remember any of the details, but luckily my mom does so she's been really helpful.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Parents Places Young

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, And that’s what parents were created for.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Fathers Mothers Parents

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot… but I always found them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Parents Places

When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action… they rented out my room.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

Parents: One of the hardships of a minor’s life.

Definitions Family Parents

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

They have keys to my house, which is – that’s a mistake… cause they’re supposed to be emergency keys, and their idea of an emergency is to come in and leave me apple juice.

(1960 – ) American actress, stand-up comedian & media personality
Family Parents

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

(1936 – ) television talk show host
Children Family Parents

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents’ shortcomings.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Family Health Parents

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me… no one showed up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Children Family Parents

The only thing I said to my parents when I was a teenager was “Hang up, I got it!”

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Age Children Communication Family Parents Speech Young

My parents are mixed-race… my father prefers the 100 meters… my mom is Pakistani.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Parents

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Animals Family Parents

My mother and father were really so poor they couldn’t afford to have any children, the lady next door had us.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Family Parents

The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Money Parents Situations

When I was younger, I really wanted a skateboard but my parents couldn't afford one; so one morning, I woke up early and went to the garage, I got some wood and some nails… and beat my parents to death.

My foster parents bought me 5 skateboards.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Parents Things