Subject: Government (Page 20)

Balancing the budget is like going to haven: everybody wants to do it, but nobody wants to do what you have to do to get there.

(1942 – ) U.S. senator (Texas)
Government

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Characteristics Government

Running for senator in New York is like bobbing for piranhas.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Elections/Voting Government New York City Places

Finishing second in the Olympics gets you silver; finishing second in politics gets you oblivion.

(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
Government Politics Sports

Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Law

Remember the politician who wouldn't release his tax returns and it turned out he had nothing to hide? … Me neither.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Government Politicians Taxes

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Congress Food/Drink Government Law

Don’t draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

Military Murphy’s Laws

An income tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Government Taxes

What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.

(1928 – 1995) American artist
Government Politicians

Beneath this smooth stone by the bone of his bone – Sleeps Master John Gill; – By lies when alive this attorney did thrive, – And now that he's dead he lies still.

Epitaphs Lawyers Lies

Oscar [of the Academy Awards] is 80 this year, which makes him now automatically the frontrunner for the Republican nomination.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Elections/Voting Government

Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for lunch.

Democracy Government

A bunch of money-grubbin', greenhouse-gassing, seal-clubbing, oil-drilling, Bible-thumping, missile-firing, right-to-life-ing, lethal-injecting hypocrites, whose idea of a good time is strapping a dead panda to a Lincoln Navigator and running over everybody in the gay parade.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People Politics

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Conflict Government Places

The House of Lords is like a glass of champagne that has stood for five days.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
England Government Places

I don’t want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is.

(1927 – 1986) American attorney
Government Law

It says something about the Republican field that the new #1 candidate used to run the nation's #8 pizza chain.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Government

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Wealth

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Politics

The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Beliefs Government Politics