Subject: Miscellaneous

That’s smoother than a spanked baby’s butt

Miscellaneous

About half.

Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli (1881 – 1963) Italian pope
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Flat as a fritter.

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She could talk the leg off a horse.

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What a crowd, what a turnout.

(1946 – ) American cretin & 45th U.S. president
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Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Miscellaneous

Those wise decisions you make when you’re young are those foolish ones you’ll live with when your old.

Miscellaneous

So ugly the tide wouldn’t take her out.

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I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy.

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If she were an inch taller she'd be round.

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Steppin’ out

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“I’ve grown fat on the contents of charity packages,” said Tom carefully.

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You’re like the dog that caught the car.

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This likker is just right; if it’d been any worse, I couldn’t have drunk it; if it’d been any better, you wouldn’t have give it to me.

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To have treed the coon

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I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

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I’ll Marry You Tomorrow (But Let’s Honeymoon Tonite)

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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

Miscellaneous

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

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He's tighter than a fiddle string

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Held his hind leg

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