Subject: Miscellaneous

If that boy had a good idea it would die of loneliness.

Miscellaneous

Shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds.

Miscellaneous

As stubborn as a blue-nose mule and as busy as a cranberry merchant.

Miscellaneous

Life is a constant battle between the heart and the brain; but guess who wins… the skeleton.

Miscellaneous

If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl.

Miscellaneous

This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar;’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

Miscellaneous

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for “better treatment”? … I’d ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you’d probably be able to get a lot of free games.

Miscellaneous

For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.

Miscellaneous

Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope.

Miscellaneous

Like three feet up a bull’s ass

Miscellaneous

… as clumsy as a blind dog in a meat house.

Miscellaneous

He lost his hat, ass, and spats!

Miscellaneous

The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving.

Miscellaneous

If you want to fight me you better pack a lunch and bring a flashlight.

Miscellaneous

I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died; ‘What are you doing here with that hammer?’

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

You look the south end of a north bound cow.

Miscellaneous

Like a calf in clover

Miscellaneous

One bad thing about Lassie, she was always warning you about something; let me be surprised for a change.

Miscellaneous

Piss on the fire and call in the dogs.

Miscellaneous

It's hotter than a ginger mill in Hell.

Miscellaneous