Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 10)

Busier than a one eyed cat watching three mice holes.

Miscellaneous

Makes no never mind.

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It's not easy to cut through a human head with a hacksaw.

(1942 – 2008) American author, producer, director & screenwriter
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There’s no “I” in denial.

(1972 – ) English actor, comedian, writer, voice artist & director
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Not blessed with beauty…

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He looks like something the cat drug in and the dog wouldn't eat.

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Hotter than a two dollar pistol.

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He wouldn’t know his name if it won’t written in his shorts.

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When I told my therapist I have an imaginary dog he said; ‘Well, at least you don’t have to pick up shit in the street' … so I’ve stopped doing that.

comedian
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My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow; and I am the only driver she ever had!

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
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You’re acting crazier than a sprayed roach!

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Don’t care if I do.

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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
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I’m touching cotton.

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If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: first, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes; there, isn’t that better?

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Church was a reminder there was something worse than school.

(1946 – ) American comedian
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Dumber than a barrel of hair

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Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon; but some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you’d look out your little window and think, ‘Boy, I’m glad I’m not out in THAT.’

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I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.

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I could eat the horse and chase the jockey.

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When I think of some of the things that have been done in the name of science, I have to cringe… no, wait, not science, vandalism; and not cringe, laugh.

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