Subject: Money (Page 24)

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'

You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

(1977 – ) Irish actress, producer & writer

Business: The art of extracting money from another man's pocket without resorting to violence.

American author

One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab… the movie cost me $95.00.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Inflation: When nobody has enough money because everybody has too much.

When you're poor, your Halloween costume is a liquor store box.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things to grow.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright

The more heavily a man is supposed to be taxed, the more power he has to escape being taxed.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.

You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

A billion here, a billion there—pretty soon it adds up to real money.

(1896 – 1969) American congressman & senator (Illinois)

You can't get rich sitting on the bench, but I'm giving it a try.

professional baseball player

When it comes to giving—some people stop at nothing.

There is nothing so habit-forming as money.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

I got a $290 parking ticket today… my car only cost $240.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist