Subject: People (Page 61)

Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?

British actor, comedian & writer
Money People Wealth

Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright
Fools Intelligence People

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Men Mothers People

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
People Places

A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Appearance Body People

Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Self Sex

There's a difference between beauty and charm; a beautiful woman is one I notice, a charming woman is one who notices me.

(1879 – 1951) American educator, writer & musician
Characteristics People Women

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.


Conflict Intelligence Killing People Stupidity

A committee is the only life form with 12 stomachs and no brain.

Murphy’s Laws People

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
People

Are Women Human?

Book Titles People Women

A redneck died and left his entire fortune to his beloved wife… she couldn’t touch it until she was fourteen.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Death Marriage People Rednecks

We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs; he (Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf People Sports

When our friends get into power, they aren’t our friends any more.

Age Characteristics Friends Murphy’s Laws Situations

Pavarotti is not vain, but conscious of being unique.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
People

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Cats People Women

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics People Relationships

At all those banquets, stars get up and give credit to their coaches and parents; I give credit to no one; I made myself what I am today.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports Success

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Individuals People

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.

(1865 – 1939) Irish poet & politician
Alcohol Food/Drink Insults People

You might be a redneck if… you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks