Subject: People (Page 61)

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics People

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad; an optimist is a man who hopes they are.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt
Characteristics People Women

Nature abhors a virgin – a frozen asset.

(1903 – 1987 diplomat, playwright, journalist & politician
Men People Sex Women

You may be a redneck if… your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics People Rednecks

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Men People Women

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be.

(1878 – 1954) American actor of stage, screen & radio
Hollywood People Places

One learns little more about a man from the feats of his literary memory than from the feats of his alimentary canal.

(1865 –1925) American encyclopedia editor & essayist
People

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People

No man is an island, but some of us are pretty long peninsulas.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
People Situations

Personally, I’m waiting for caller IQ.

(1955 – ) American comedian, singer, actress & author
Intelligence People Things

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Age Health People

I’m fairly certain that the only reason I was born crippled was because God knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to become a stripper.

American comedian
Health People Self

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age People Young

You might be a redneck if… the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Women

Men are easy to get but hard to keep.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Relationships

My cholesterol count has a comma.

(1964 – 2014) American actor, Broadway performer & stand-up comedian
Health Self

Everyone I like stays the hell away from me.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Age Friends People

Those who don’t study the past will repeat its errors; those who do study it will find OTHER ways to err.

Murphy’s Laws Past People Problems

My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Self