Subject: People (Page 88)

How do people make new mates?… asking for a friend.

Comedian & writer
Friends People Self

I am free of all prejudices; I hate everyone equally.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics People

Only the mediocre are always at their best.

(1882 – 1944) French novelist, essayist, diplomat & playwright
People

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Age Children People

Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.

(1946 – ) American actor
Beer Women

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette; we passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Health Old Women

The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 a.m.

(1926 – 1999) actor, comedian & female impersonator
Food/Drink People

Of all the great qualities he had, and there were so many, there was one thing that set him apart from everybody else; he really thought I was funny.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Self

Fettucini Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink People

Bores bore each other too; but it never seems to teach them anything.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
People

A missionary is a person who teaches cannibals to say grace before they him.

People

You might be a redneck if… your your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Alcohol Beer Entertainment People Rednecks

If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Football God Men Sports Women

Professionals built the Titanic; amateurs built the ark.

People Work

I meet so many people; I don’t even know some of my friend’s names.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Friends People

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics People

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Marriage People

Egotism: Usually a case of mistaken nonentity.

(1907 – 1990) American actress
Characteristics Self

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Fear People Women

To those she did not like… she was a stiletto made of sugar.

(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author
People