Subject: People » Self (Page 11)

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine… (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Self

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Intelligence Mind People Self

Dad, the odds of me knowing the score to the Mariners game is about the same as you knowing the score to Pacific Overtures.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Self TV/Movie Quotes

I suffer fools gladly because I am one of them.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer
Fools Intelligence People Self

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Self

I have decided to keep a full journal, in the hope that my life will perhaps seem more interesting when it is written down.

(1946 – 2014) English writer & humorist
Books Communication People Self

If there are any of you at the back who do not hear me, please don't raise your hands because I am also nearsighted.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Communication People Self Speech

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People Self

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents.  I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?”  He said, “I don’t know kid; there’s so many places they can hide.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Fathers Self

I'm not a competitive person… I'll be the first to admit it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Self

My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s; he’s 29, I’m 34.

(1980 – ) Australian comedian
Age People Self

I was so ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Hair Self

I don’t like my music, but what is my opinion against that of millions of others.

(1904 – 1988) Austrian-American composer
Entertainment Music People Self

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Husbands Marriage Self Wives

Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Murphy’s Laws People Self

When I answer the door the kids hand ME candy.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Situations Ugly

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you’re one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Self

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from him.

(1564 – 1642) Italian astronomer, physicist, engineer, philosopher & mathematician
Intelligence People Self

It does not take a rocket scientist to coach a professional football team, but, of course, I was one of the few who happened to be a rocket scientist.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Intelligence People Self Sports

I would rather be an opportunist and float than go to the bottom with my principles round my neck.

(1867 – 1947) British politician
Characteristics Self