Subject: Places (Page 39)

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

(1901 – 1963) American comic actor, writer & director
Hollywood Places

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn’t hear it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Things

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
People Places

In Alaska, we have just two seasons — this winter and next winter.

(1897 – 1991) American Air Force General
Places Science/Weather

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Driving New York City Places

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Hollywood Marriage Places

Un-American: Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Characteristics Definitions Places

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Canada Communication Education Learning Places Reading/Writing

You couldn't be a racist and live in L.A.; you'd be exhausted.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Places

I went to a Chinese restaurant and there was a suggestion box, so I wrote ‘Free Tibet.’

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Places

When I visit China I like to get Chinese food… ff course, over there they just call it food.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Places

There are only two occasions when Americans respect privacy, especially in presidents; those are prayer and fishing.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
America Characteristics Situations

I live in a very dangerous part of Los Angeles… it’s called Los Angeles.

(1972 – ) American stand-up comedian
Places

The Americans are a funny lot; they drink whiskey to keep them warm, then they put ice in it to make it cool; then they put some sugar in it to make it sweet and then they put a slice of lemon in it to make it sour, then they say, “Here’s to you” and drink it themselves.

(1904 – 1976) Indian politician
America People Places

I just got back from the Middle East, where I performed for 15,000 men – and then I did my comedy.


Entertainment Places Sex

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
 then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Places Things

I can never forgive God for having created the French.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
People Places

If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Eating Food/Drink Places

He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
America Places Work

In this country you’re guilty until proven wealthy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
America Government Law Money Wealth

English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
England Food/Drink Places