Subject: Relationships (Page 11)

I’d like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Dating Family Relationships

I have some distant cousins that got sucked into one of these pyramid schemes – you know, building them in Egypt.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Relationships

We had to pull the plug on my grandmother ’cause I needed the outlet for my laptop.

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Relationships Situations

My son has taken up meditation… at least it's better than sitting around doing nothing.

typographer
Relationships Situations

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

Relationships

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can’t do it in one push, you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

Why don't you come up and have a little… scotch and sofa.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Dating Relationships Situations

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Activities Relationships

Society honors its living conformists and its dead troublemakers.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
People Relationships

I just got dumped recently, but I'm alright with it ‘cause we weren’t a good match… you know – I’m a Gemini… she was a whore.

American comedian & musician
Girlfriends Relationships

When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome. And then, of course, you spoke.

(1963 – ) American actress, film director & screenwriter
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Life Relationships

I can't get a relationship to last longer than it takes to make copies of their tapes.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Dating Entertainment Music Relationships

I'm trying to find one woman that I can spend the rest of this weekend with.

American comedian
People Relationships Women

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Family Relationships

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese… and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Family People Relationships

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened… the bathroom door, for example.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Relationships

Poverty keeps together more homes than it breaks up.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Money Relationships

When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be “Great, I like that bar and they’ll have the Rockets game on too.”

(1983 – ) American comedian
Dating Relationships

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it; but first let me introduce myself.

(1982 – ) American author
Emotions Love Relationships