Subject: Sex (Page 28)

I can still enjoy sex at 74; I live at 75, so it's no distance.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Age Emotions Sex

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Sex

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose; last night she used me to time an egg.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Wives

The difference between a whore and a congressman is that a congressman makes more money.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Congress Government Sex

Your idea of fidelity is not having more than one man in bed at the same time.

(1931 – ) American-born, British screenwriter, novelist & journalist
Insults Sex

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Sex

Before I met my wife, I had virtually no experience; I remember on our wedding night, I tried to inflate her.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

Oral contraceptive: The word "no."

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Communication Language Sex

The kiss is a wordless articulation of desire whose object lies in the future, and somewhat to the south.

(1939 – ) professor of journalism & author
Sex

When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Conversation Men People Sex Women

You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Conflict Entertainment Sex Television

I believe that sex is the most wonderful and beautiful thing that money can buy.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Money Sex

Men are only as loyal as their options.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men Sex

Know why it takes so many sperm to fertilize one egg – cause none of those f**kers will ask for directions.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

My mom always said, ‘Men are like linoleum floors. You lay them right, and you can walk on them for 30 years.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian
Men People Sex

Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius… I've been using money.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe.

(1920 – 2004) Canadian author, television personality & journalist
People Places Sex Things

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses.

(1865-1940) English actress
Sex

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Men Sex Things Women