Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 7)

I wouldn't trust him to sit on a toilet the right way.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

You know you’re getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

He plays just like a union man… he negotiates the final score.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

(We) should be allowed to wear shorts; God almighty, (LPGA) women are allowed to wear ‘em, and we’ve got better legs than they do.

professional golfer

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

(1770 – 1850) English Romantic poet

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Anglo-Irish golfer

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman

I was three over, one over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.

(1953 – ) American baseball player

It's not whether you win or lose – but whether I win or lose!

professional golfer

I figured out why they took out 8,000 trees at Oakmont. It's so people won't hang themselves.

professional golf caddie

At first a golfer excuses a dismal performance by claiming bad lies; with experience, he covers up with better ones.

I wish I could play my normal game… just once.

If God wants to produce the ideal golfer then He should create a being with a set of unequal arms and likewise legs, an elbow-free left arm, knees which hinge sideways and a ribless torso from which emerges, at an angle of 45 degrees, a stretched neck fitted with one color-blind eye stuck firmly on the left side.

golf author

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns.

The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

Hitting the ball is the fun part of it, but the fewer times you hit the ball the more fun you have.

American professional golfer

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit it that far.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Golf: A game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose

(1856 – 1924) 28th U.S. president & politician

Impossible Lie: In golf, a ball that is in a position that is both completely obstructed by an immovable object and continuously observed by an incorruptible player.

The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music.