Subject: Sports (Page 109)

Moonshiners put more time, energy, thought, and love into their cars than any racer ever will. Lose on the track, and you go home. Lose with a load of whiskey, and you go to jail.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Are you any relation to your brother Marv?

basketball player
Misspokements Sports

I was so bad at it, [golf] they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Golf Sports

Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.

(1918 – 2009) radio broadcaster
Golf Sports

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.

(1932 – 1997) newspaper columnist
Baseball Sports

And Michael Schumacher is actually in a very good position… he’s in last place.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Nelson Piquet looks like a jockey being strapped into his car. Alan Jones looks like a commando on his way to Vietnam.

British auto racer & executive
Auto racing Sports

The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

I don't speak German, he don't speak English, and I think I just agreed to marry his daughter.

American football player & coach
Communication Football Language Sports

I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I make the putt.

Spanish professional golfer
Golf Sports

I told you I needed to feed my family; they offered me 3 years at $21 million – that’s not going to cut it.

professional basketball player
Basketball Money Sports

John Conteh has a neck like a stately home staircase.

English boxer
Appearance Body Boxing Sports

That putt had more breaks than a government job.

golf writer
Golf Sports

What you’ve got to remember about Michael is that under that cold professional Germanic exterior beats a heart of stone.

British auto racer
Auto racing Sports

Hockey’s the only place where a guy can go nowadays and watch two white guys fight.


(1938 – 2017) American sportswriter & novelist
Conflict Fights Hockey Sports

Did you know that the only Israeli gold medal in the history of the Olympics was in sailing? … further reinforcing the stereotype that Jews don’t tip!

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Sports

If you break 100, watch your golf; if you break 80, watch your business.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Golf Sports Work

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Sports

Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. It's up in the air whether the same can be said of Keith Richards.

American basketball player
Basketball Sports

No one hit home runs the way Babe (Ruth) did… they were something special… they were like homing pigeons; the ball would leave the bat, pause briefly, suddenly gain its bearings, then take off for the stands.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

And there goes Juantorina down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.

BBC commentator
Misspokements Sports