Subject: Sports (Page 111)

Every day you guys look worse and worse. And today you played like tomorrow.

American hockey player & coach
Hockey Sports

I went to bed and I was old and washed up. I woke up a rookie… what could be better?

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Gibson's the luckiest pitcher I've ever seen because he always picks the night to pitch when the other team doesn't score any runs.

American baseball player & commentator
Baseball Sports

I'm probably the only guy who worked for (Casey) Stengel before and after he was a genius.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

When you have bacon and eggs for breakfast, the chicken makes a contribution, the pig makes a commitment.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey Sports

It is a catch he would have held 99 times out of one thousand.

cricket commentator
Misspokements Sports

If you think squash is a competitive activity, try flower arrangement.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Sports

Play him, fine him, and play him again.

(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

Nigel Mansell is the only man who goes to Nick Faldo for charisma lessons.

English actor & television personality
Auto racing Insults Sports

It's like Christmas, except it's warmer.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. 


(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Communication Golf Sports

No, I had 999 times to get ready for it.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

You get more than one of them things and you call them Loti.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game, it’s that they stay out all night looking for it.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sex Sports

I was never nervous when I had the ball, but when I let go I was scared to death.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

Say you were standing with one foot in the oven and the other foot in a bucket of ice; according to the percentage people, you should be about perfectly comfortable.

baseball manager
Baseball Sports

We don’t pray after a game… that’s too late.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

Gerry Cooney can't fight to keep warm.

Boxing press agent
Boxing Sports

He (Satchel Paige) threw the ball as far from the bat and as close to the plate as possible.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors Health Occupations Sports Work