Subject: Sports (Page 25)

Some people say I play erratic golf. What they mean is I frequently play lousy.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

I’ve never seen a game like this; every game this year has been like this.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

One player was lost because he broke his nose; how do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?

(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach
Football Misspokements Sports

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Why ask me? You've asked me two times already and paid no atention to what I said. So pick your own goddam club!

Golf Sports

I guess it's why you never say never. The only thing you can never do is ski through a revolving door.

hockey coach
Hockey Sports

A sense of humor and a good bullpen.

(1931 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

When Neil Armstong first set foot on the moon, he and all the space scientists were puzzled by an unidentifiable white object; I knew immediately what it was… that was a home run ball hit off me in 1933 by Jimmie Foxx.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Activities Baseball Sports

If England lose now, they will be leaving the field with their heads between their legs!

English cricketer
Misspokements Sports

They are a either a pain in the backside or too drunk to perform.

Amsterdam prostitutes’ spokeswoman
Sex Sports

I fought Sugar [Ray Robinson] so many times, I’m surprised I’m not diabetic; but I did have him off the canvas once… when he stepped over my body to leave the ring.

(1921 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

The goal is too small and the goalies are too big.

Canadian hockey coach
Hockey Sports

You can’t think and hit the ball at the same time.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Sports Yogi-isms

Have another donut you fat pig!

Canadian hockey player & general manager
Hockey Sports

If anyone wants me tell them I'm being embalmed.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

80 percent of the balls that don’t reach the hole, don’t go in.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Golf Sports Yogi-isms

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing; now I go to the driving range to practice slicing without swearing.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Communication Golf Speech Sports

I’m a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy… so is my wife.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Sports

We were tipping off our plays; whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was as pale as a ghost.

professional football executive
Football Misspokements Sports

About the only problem with success is that it does not teach you how to deal with failure.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball Sports Success

If I knew the answer to that I'd bet $10,000 on the game and retire from coaching.

Montreal Canadiens coach
Hockey Sports