Subject: Sports (Page 77)

In a way an umpire is like a woman. He makes quick decisions, never reverses them, and doesn't think you're safe when you're out.

American baseball umpire
Baseball People Sports Women

We had a very scientific system of bringing in relief pitchers. We used the first one who answered the phone.

American baseball pitcher & pitching coach
Baseball Sports

The way defenses are operating these days, the other team starts picking you up when you walk out of the hotel lobby.

American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

Jacques Lafitte is as close to Surer as Surer is to Lafitte.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

You guys don't know the difference between a football and a Mercedes-Benz.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Sure, as long as he ties a 56 lb. weight to each leg.

English boxing champion
Boxing Sports

And there’s the man in the green flag!

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Baseball without fans is like Jayne Mansfield without a sweater.

(1902 – 1994) British-born American trial lawyer & author
Baseball Sports

If you act like you know what you’re doing, you can do anything you want… except neurosurgery.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Sports

Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

(1916 – 1987) television actor & comedian
Golf Sports

We know he is a one-dimensional player, but it’s the dimension we don’t have.

Canadian sports broadcaster
Hockey Sports

Three or four plane crashes and we're in the playoffs.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Bob Gibson was so mean he would knock you down and then meet you at home plate to see if you wanted to make something of it.

(1942 – ) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

Boxing is a great exercise… as long as you can yell 'cut' whenever you want to.

(1946 – ) American actor
Activities Boxing Entertainment Exercise Film Sports

A tie is like kissing your sister.

(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Sports

If the Bible has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Girls Sports TV/Movie Quotes

The Yankees are only interested in one thing, and I don’t know what that is.

professional baseball player
Baseball Misspokements Sports

I don’t know… I’ve never smoked it.

(1943 – ) American football player
Activities Sports

No one hit home runs the way Babe (Ruth) did… they were something special… they were like homing pigeons; the ball would leave the bat, pause briefly, suddenly gain its bearings, then take off for the stands.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Money Occupations Sports Work