Subject: Sports (Page 96)

He's so strong, he doesn't call the cattle in… he carries them in.

(1928 – ) Canadian professional ice hockey player
Hockey Sports

Lady Jacks Off to Hot Start in Conference

Headlines Sports

He’s easy to do. Sit on the bench. Play about 10 minutes a game.

Czech hockey player
Hockey Sports

They're why the Hubble telescope is pointed away from the earth.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Senators Maintain Their Hold On Devils

Headlines Sports

A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors.

(1888 –1961) Irish actor Irish actor
Golf Sports

You don't have to be a Harvard professor to manage baseball; in fact, I think you're better off having an IQ like mine.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Baseball Intelligence Sports

One night we play like King Kong, the next night like Fay Wray.

American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

If me and King Kong went into an alley, only one of us would come out. And it wouldn't be the monkey.

American football defensive end
Football Sports

The only difference between this and Custer's last stand was Custer didn't have to look at the tape afterwards.

Canadian hockey player & broadcaster
Hockey Sports

When those stalls open, the horses are literally going to explode.

British horse racing commentator
Misspokements Sports

Statistics are to baseball what a flaky crust is to Mom’s apple pie.

(1926 – 1991) American television journalist
Baseball Science/Weather Sports

When Mike Tyson gets mad, you don't need a referee, you need a priest.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Boxing Sports

He's gonna need an industrial-strength toothpick to pick the leather out of his teeth. I'm gonna hit this man so hard he's gonna grow an Afro.

Canadian boxer
Boxing Sports

My God, kids today think that the laces are for tying up the gloves.

American boxer
Boxing Sports

When Xavier McDaniel plays against Orlando Wooldridge, it's a coach's dream – X vs O.

American basketball player
Basketball Sports

The earth in L.A. moved more in one hour than Benoit Benjamin did all last season with the Clippers.

American sports columnist & analyst
Basketball Sports

I just tape four Tylenols to it.

Russian hockey player
Hockey Sports

Next up is Fernando Gonzales, who is not playing tonight.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

I just told him to drop the &%^# puck. I didn’t suggest his mother had swum after troop ships or anything.


Sports

Those who the gods seek to destroy first, learn how to play golf.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
Golf Sports