Subject: Sports (Page 96)

We were tipping off our plays; whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was as pale as a ghost.

professional football executive
Football Misspokements Sports

If you’re up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. It’s the hardest shot for the well-endowed; like when I used to beat Ann Jones, she could hit under them or over them but never through them.

American professional tennis player
Body Sports

“Hell, Lou, it took fifteen years to get you out of a game; sometimes I’m out in fifteen minutes.”

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

I’m glad you’re doing this story on us and not on the WNBA; we’re so much prettier than all the other women in sports.

professional tennis player
Misspokements Sports

I'm the gooney bird that walked to the bank. I'm doing better than most of those guys who said I was crazy.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
Baseball Sports

Yes, the guy can score you 40 goals… what I don't want is him causing 60.

Canadian hockey player & broadcaster
Hockey Sports

I've got a tip on the market for you fellows, buy Pennsylvania Railroad – because by tomorrow night about a dozen of you bums will be riding on it.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

I don’t think I can be expected to take seriously any game which takes less than three days to reach its conclusion.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Sports

I’ve got a face made for radio.

(1937 – 1995) American Major League Baseball umpire
Appearance Baseball Sports

Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Basketball Sports

The stopwatch has stopped. It's up to God and the referee now. The referee is Pat Horan. God is God.

Irish Gaelic games commentator
God Sports

The older I get, the better I used to be.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Age Golf Old Sports

Being traded is like celebrating your hundredth birthday… it might not be the happiest occasion in the world, but consider the alternative.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball Sports

Watching a shootout is like admitting you watch  Survivor or search the internet for porn.

(1969 – ) Canadian ice hockey player & executive
Hockey Sports

I guess I’d better send my fingers to Cooperstown.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

I told one player, 'Son, I can't understand it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

American basketball coach & executive
Basketball Intelligence

They call Ray Robinson the best fighter, pound for pound. I'm the best fighter, ounce for ounce.

1922 – 2006) American boxing champion
Boxing Sports

The sun doesn’t shine on the same dog’s butt every day but we sure didn’t expect a total eclipse.

American football player, coach & college athletics administrator
Misspokements Sports

If you play well and win you’re a heck of a leader; you don't win your an okay leader, and if you don't play well and you don't win your a lousy leader.

Canadian hockey player & executive
Hockey Sports

You might not think that’s cricket, and it’s not; it’s motor racing.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports