Subject: Sports (Page 97)

Have another donut you fat pig!

Canadian hockey player & general manager
Hockey Sports

If a caddie can help you, you don't know how to play golf.

(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Golf Sports

All of his saves have come during relief appearances.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Pitching always beats batting — and vice-versa.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Sports Yogi-isms

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child; just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Honesty Insults Intelligence Sports

It's like embalming. Nobody likes it, but somebody has to do it.

American football player
Football Sports

This is lap 54; after that, it’s 55, 56, 57, 58.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Government People Sports

Mexicans are always tough with lots of heart; Koreans raw and gritty; the poor British tend to stand up straight and take it on the chops, bleeding almost before the opening bell.

Canadian sportswriter
Boxing People Sports

Allen S. Sothoron pitched his initials off yesterday.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Baseball Sports

He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her.  I said: You want to what?’ I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time.

Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey Sports

I can't tell who's leading… it's either Oxford or Cambridge.

British news commentator
Misspokements Sports

The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs.  You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them.  Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve.  No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

American baseball player
Baseball History Science/Weather Sports

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns.

Baseball Basketball Football Hockey Sports

You have to give Pete credit for what he's accomplished; he never went to college and the only book he ever read was The Pete Rose Story.

Ex-wife of Pete Rose
Baseball Sports Success

I'd like to see the fairways more narrow; then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me.

Spanish professional golfer
Golf Sports

But he was the worst dresser in organized baseball; he made Inspector Clouseau look like a candidate for Mr. Blackwell's list of best-dressed men.

American baseball pitcher
Appearance Basketball Clothing Sports

 I’ve told you guys before, goalies don’t think.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Hockey Sports

Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

I refuse to call a 47-year-old white-haired man ’Sparky.’

baseball umpire
Baseball Sports

I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
Men Sports