Subject: Things » Autos (Page 9)

The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling, 'The British are coming! The British are coming!'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Autos Places Things

I hate when people drive like me.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Autos Driving Situations Things

I once locked my keys out of my car… I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

I took my headlights out and put strobe lights in; now when I drive at night it looks like I am the only one that is moving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Autos Science/Weather Situations Things

The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Death Friends People Things

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Things

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Autos Children Family Things

You might be a redneck if… you've painted a car with house paint.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks Things

They think they can make fuel from horse manure…. now, I don’t know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it’s sure gonna put a stop to siphoning.

(1915 – 1959) American jazz singer & songwriter
Autos Things

My wife had her driver’s test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.

(1941 – ) actor, writer, poet & feminist
Autos Men People

You might be a redneck if… your the tail light covers of your car are made of red tape.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks Things

You might be a redneck if… you think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Places Rednecks Things

My father only hit me once – but he used a Volvo.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Autos Conflict Fathers Fights Things

I knew these Siamese twins; they moved to England, so the other one could drive.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving England Places

I like handicapped men ’cause a handicapped man get a check and a good parking space.

(1971 – ) American comedian & actress
Autos Money People

Expressways aren’t.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex