Author: Anonymous Page 158

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

There are three kinds of people… those who can count & those who can't.

People

“I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.

Tom Swifties

The early worm is being picked first.

Mixed metaphors

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

“Someday I’ll run the CIA,” said Tom aspiringly.

Tom Swifties

Budget: Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Definitions

Forty: The most difficult age for a woman to pass; it often takes years.

Age Definitions

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Sales Resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.

Definitions

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Malaprops

“I’ve still got two fingers left,” said Tom handsomely.

Tom Swifties

It was so cold… flashers were just describing themselves.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

It's time to grab the bull by the tail and look it in the eye.

Mixed metaphors

Wood: That remarkable material which burns so easily in a forest and with such difficulty in a fireplace.

Definitions

“Ein, zwei, drei, fünf,”” said Tom fearlessly.

Tom Swifties

It dawned across my head.

Mixed metaphors

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather