Author: Anonymous Page 159

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.

Mixed metaphors

Don't stand behind a coughing cow.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

“I could stand to lose 50% of my body weight”, said Tom affably.

Tom Swifties

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions

I'm tired of walking on kid gloves.

Mixed metaphors

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.

Tom Swifties

Life: Coming into the world wit nothing, leaving with nothing and, in between, giving everything to the IRS.

Definitions Life Taxes

Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.

Marriage

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

Artichoke: The only vegetable you have more of when you finish eating it, than you had when you started.

Definitions

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

It’s like looking for a needle in a hayride.

Mixed metaphors

Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

You are so lazy if you had a third hand, you’d need a third pocket to put it in.

Characteristics Expressions

They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.

Mixed metaphors

Now you have hit it on the head with the nail.

Mixed metaphors

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties