Author: Anonymous Page 157

How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.

Time

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

I've hit the nail on the jackpot.

Misspokements

Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.

Age Definitions People Young

“Get out of here!” said Tom believingly.

Tom Swifties

Before I start speaking, I'd like to say something.

Misspokements Speech

Alcohol is ok in modification.

Alcohol Food/Drink Malaprops

I was beaming at the seams!

Malaprops

I’m getting up on my feedbox here.

Mixed metaphors

Education: One of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Definitions Education

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

Kidney: A complex organ used to convert beer into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

They were living high on the cob.

Life Malaprops Money

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Body Definitions

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Communication Family Language Mothers

Don’t make a long story short just so you can tell another one.

Communication Conversation Speech

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Situations

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors