Author: Anonymous Page 155

We're going to get locked into a corner.

Mixed metaphors

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

Hypochondriac: One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better.

Definitions Health

Intuition: Suspicion in skirts.

Definitions

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Will: A dead giveaway.

Death Definitions

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

Characteristics

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

He is so ugly… robbers give him their masks to wear.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Married at the hip

Mixed metaphors

Walking with your head between your legs.

Mixed metaphors

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

Definitions

Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.

Definitions Happiness Intelligence

“I’m just an average guy,” said Tom meanly.

Tom Swifties

“You must be my host,” Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

Definitions

“My wife is going to have a test tube baby”, Tom injected artificially.

Tom Swifties

It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.

Mixed metaphors

Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.

Definitions Time

“I have been reading Voltaire,” Tom admitted candidly.

Tom Swifties