Author: Anonymous Page 158

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Reckless Driver: One who passes you on the highway in spite of all you can do.

Definitions People

“Why shouldn’t I stir my yoghurt with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

I don’t dance, but I’d love to hold you while you do.

Dance Entertainment

Every silver lining has a cloud around it.

Mixed metaphors

Aardvark: In the beginning was the word. And the word was ‘Aardvark.’

Communication Definitions Language

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve gained thirty pounds,” said Tom heavily.

Tom Swifties

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I’ve struck oil!” said Tom crudely.

Tom Swifties

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Emotions Intelligence Laughter Thinking

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

Definitions

Monogamy: A marriage system in which subscribers are requested to return one wife before taking another.

Definitions Marriage

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?

Food/Drink Situations

“I must be on a visit”, Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

Harder’n baptizing a cat.

Expressions

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Beliefs People