Author: Anonymous Murphy’s Law

If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.

The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want.

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.

Whenever an expert is confounded by a seemingly insoluble problem, the solution is immediately obvious to the first unqualified person who happens along.

When you drop coins, the pennies will fall nearby, while all the others will roll out of sight.

The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the bread.

There is always a way… and it usually doesn’t work.

The mud that won’t come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.

If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail

When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.

If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver’s side of your car windshield.

Chaos always wins, because it’s better organized.

Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.

If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.