Author: Bob Hope

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast… if God wants to play through, let him.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
God Golf Sports

We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs; he (Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf People Sports

You can tell he used to be a rancher; he squeezes Republicans like he's milking a cow.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

I’m from Los Angeles… I don’t trust any air I can’t see.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Places

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Old

I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage!

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Activities Travel

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

Alan Shepard walking on the moon found a golf ball with Gerald Ford’s initials on it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Politics

Don't let her fool you; tangle with her and she`ll shingle your attic.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Communication Entertainment Music

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
America Places

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Self

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Old

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Film

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter… he's done nothing.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Situations Time

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Appearance Body Dance People

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Wealth

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Film