Author: Dylan Moran Page 2

That's still how Irish people are seen, as twinkly-eyed f**kers with a pig under their arm, high-stepping it around the world, going 'I'll paint your house now, but watch out, I might steal the ladder later, ohohoho!' – which is only half true!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Places

It sounds like typewriters eating tin foil being kicked down the stairs.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Communication Places Speech

So thoroughly corrupt, every time he smiles an angel gets gonorrhea!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Insults People

You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex; men are people that have sex because they have a headache… or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Men People Sex

He’s so f**king crooked he sleeps on a spiral staircase!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Insults

What's he doing? Nobody ever gets 75%; is he coming round at night, with a pot roast, touching you on the knee and telling you that you’ve lost weight?

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
People

It’s easy to smile when you have a squirrel’s intellect.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Intelligence Stupidity

I'm a vegetarian… well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Eating Food/Drink People Self

I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive; I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics

Bagpipes covered in hair.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

Why would anybody want to go skiing? You could sit in the comfort of you own kitchen and break your knees with a hammer.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Activities

Men are people that have sex because they have a headache… or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Men People Sex

I've seen insects walking around with kneepads.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Animals Exaggerations Places

Scotland, the country where they fry the food five times to make sure it’s dead.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Places