Author: Gary Gulman

Just saw an Orthodox Jewish kid do three pull-ups… shattering the previous record.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Religion

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail; I wouldn’t want to be the tea party’s go-to comedian.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you’re going?… I don’t even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Autos Things

Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you’re going?… I don’t even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Things

No matter what time of year it’s always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Appearance

I was born when my dad was 50; it’s weird growing up with a dad that much older than you… we’d go to the movies and we’re both getting discounts.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Age Family Fathers

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? … asking for myself.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Age Drugs

So drug dealers don’t find it funny when you ask for a receipt?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs Situations

When you’re gay every party is a bad sweater party.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

Why shouldn’t we air grievances at funerals?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Death

I was born when my dad was 50; it’s weird growing up with a dad that much older than you… we’d go to the movies, we’re both getting discounts.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Age Family Fathers Old Young

If you are 26 years old and you’re waking up under Star Wars sheets… the Force is not with you.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Miscellaneous

A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

I hate nickels; they’re quarter impersonators.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Money

I went to Boston College; it’s a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
People Self

If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Time

As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher… nobody listened.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
People Self

I feel bad for the guys who did steroids and still suck.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Miscellaneous

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Money Wealth

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
People

Maybe a silver lining to growing old is being able to watch Usual Suspects for the first time… again.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Age Old