Author: Paul Lynde Page 9

Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the song classic, “Things aren’t always as bad as they seem if you…” Do what?

Paul Lynde: Put a bag over her head.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne, after the divorce, he sent her a copy of a best-selling book. Which one?

Paul Lynde: Shaft!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… in Athens recently, they discovered sketches of the great philosopher Socrates, revealing that he bore a striking resemblance to Paul Newman?

Paul Lynde: But he walked like Joanne!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Where does most of the olive oil in the world come from?

Paul Lynde: Caesar Romero’s comb.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Can chewing gum help prevent a child from catching a cold?

Paul Lynde: No, but I know it’ll plug a runny nose.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Will a goose help warn you if there’s an intruder on your property?

Paul Lynde: There’s no better way!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… the University of Nebraska was recently given $185,000 for an extensive study of the prune.

Paul Lynde: There goes $185,000 down the drain!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, the state flag of Alabama is all white with one very distinctive feature. What is it?

Paul Lynde: Eye holes!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Glen Campbell recently stated, “Love to me is something you…” Something you what?

Paul Lynde: Purchase.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter: Do baby elephants nurse?

Paul Lynde: That’s why you should never go topless on an African beach.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate?

Paul Lynde: But they went on to win in three other categories.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In baseball, there’s a special name for the area between a player’s knees and his armpits.

Paul Lynde: Aren’t you glad? Aren’t you glad?! AREN’T YOU GLAD… he used Dial?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What’s that thing to the east of Sweden?

Paul Lynde: Have you seen Anita Ekberg lately?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If you want to know if a plastic surgeon is really qualified, who should you check with?

Paul Lynde: Tony Randall.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… NASA officials report that when Chinese vice-premier Dang visited the astronaut training headquarters recently, the one big question he demanded to know was… where the astronauts go to the bathroom?!

Paul Lynde: The answer was over China!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Does Mark Spitz believe swimming in the nude helps you go faster?

Paul Lynde: Well, it’s easy to steer.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Olivia De Havilland once sat on something in a movie that Roy Rogers says he grew to love. What is it?

Paul Lynde: A box of Milk Duds.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: President Washington once said quote “I would rather be in my grave than in…” what?

Paul Lynde: Grant’s tomb.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Who are Mark Trail, Steve Roper and Tank McNamara?

Paul Lynde: Oh, you found my address book!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares