Author: Paul Lynde Page 9

Peter Marshall: If a women becomes pregnant while employed, is she now entitled to six weeks maternity leave?

Paul Lynde: Only if the baby resembles the boss.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Fred Astaire says, his mother has been trying to get him to do this since he was 35. But he hasn’t done it and says he won’t do it until he’s ready. Do what?

Paul Lynde: Move out of the house!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You have a bunch of unwanted hair. According to Dr. Thotusen, what is most often the cause of unwanted hair? A bunch of it?

Paul Lynde: Running over a llama.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is Billy Graham considered a good dresser?

Paul Lynde: No, but he’s a terrific end table.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, can anything bring tears to a chimp's eyes?

>Paul Lynde: Finding out that Tarzan swings both ways!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: To Roy Rogers, what is Cowboy Heaven?

Paul Lynde: Seven minutes with Tammy Wynette!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Prehistoric man had two uses for sheep. One was for food. What was the other?

Paul Lynde: Conversation.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?

Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?

Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is there any such thing as an F cup in bra sizes?

Paul Lynde: Yes, it sleeps four.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Which performing team were the stars of Ed Sullivan’s first TV show?

Paul Lynde: Aretha and Benjamin Franklin.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Does Mark Spitz believe swimming in the nude helps you go faster?

Paul Lynde: Well, it’s easy to steer.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul, Gypsy folklore says that God created man by baking him in an oven.
Paul Lynde: [turns and looks at Black singer Leslie Uggams] Looks like you were overcooked.
[Leslie Uggams laughed so hard she was lying across the desk.]

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, when the citizens of China want a drink of water, they usually do something to it first. What?

Paul Lynde: Remove the shirts.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won't go up to your apartment.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.

Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Whose motto is “Do Your Best?”

Paul Lynde: I guess we can rule out Jimmy Carter…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What should you think when you walk into an apartment and all the walls and carpets are brown?

Paul Lynde: The maid exploded.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne, after the divorce, he sent her a copy of a best-selling book. Which one?

Paul Lynde: Shaft!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The Atlantic Ocean is the major body of water on Africa’s west coast. What major body lies off Africa’s east coast?

Paul Lynde: Ex-president Mobutu.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: How many movies has Vincent Price been in?

Paul Lynde: You mean, how many good movies?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares