Subject: Age » Old

That man so old… he’s older than his birthday.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian

If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you… the next time he’s in need.

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom; in fact Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

My mother used to say: the older you get, the better you get… unless you’re a banana.

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

(1956 – ) author & movie actress

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

What can you say when your husband says: “You can’t expect me to remember your birthday, when you never look any older.”

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Geriatricide joint

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

I don't need you to remind me of my age; I have a bladder to do that for me.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director

The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer

Pudge is so old, they didn’t have history class when he went to school.

professional baseball player & broadcaster

We grow too soon old and too late smart.

If you want to know what you’ll look like in ten years, look in the mirror after you’ve run a marathon.

American cardiologist & marathoner
Help children living with autism with one click. The Autism Site