Subject: Age » Old

Old age is no place for sissies.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater

The four stages of a man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.

(1912 – 2010) Canadian-born American radio & television personality & humorist

After 60, it's just patch, patch, patch.

(1913 – 1990) American actress

The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

Jewelry takes people's minds off your wrinkles.

(1912 – 1969) Norwegian figure skater & actress

You know you’re getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

He's great to the old guys. He's got one trainer just to treat varicose veins.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor

Did you ever look in a mirror and wonder how your pantyhose got so wrinkled… and then remember you weren’t wearing any?

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday; I tell them, a paternity suit.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Tommy John is so old, he uses Absorbine Senior.

(1952 – ) American sportscaster

My health is good; it’s my age that’s bad.

(1903 – 1992) country music singer, fiddler & promoter

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed… it evens itself out.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

(1887 – 1948) American journalist & humorist

I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

I personally stay away from natural foods; at my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.

(1613 – 1680) French writer

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for our to amuse them.

(1903 – 1966) English writer

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