Subject: Age » Old

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses… drinks right out of the bottle.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

He may be the only kicker to kick and collect Social Security at the same time.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time.

(1841 – 1935) American jurist & Supreme Court justice

After the age of 80, you seem to be having breakfast every day.

(1907 – 2005) was an English poet & playwright

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit it that far.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in it's holder is a thrill.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I know Im getting old – I had an accident; I was arrested for hit and walk.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor

When you become senile, you won't know it.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Girls used to come up to me and say, “My sister loves you.” Now they say, “My mother loves you.”

baseball player

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor

You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?

American stand-up comedian

Dinah [Shore] formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor

There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure.

I didn’t see it [old age] coming — it hit me from the rear.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

(1870 – 1965) businessman & politician

You know you're getting old when you start to dress in more than six colors.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

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