Subject: Age » Old

The trick is growing up without growing old.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

Maybe a silver lining to growing old is being able to watch Usual Suspects for the first time… again.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian

You know you’re getting older when you don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along

I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'

American comedian & musician

Ask anybody over 30 – if they tell you they have more than 10 friends, you know they’re counting co-workers.

American comedian & television host

I refuse to admit I'm more than 52, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Old age is like everything else; to make a success of it, you've got to start young.

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president

We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn’t feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian

At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit it that far.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

As I get older I'm going to hear "You look great" a lot less than I'm going to hear "You look sick.”

American stand-up comedian

There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure.

When men reach their sixties and retire they go to pieces; women just go on cooking.


Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

When we’re young, we want to change the world… when we’re old, we want to change the young.

book publisher

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
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