Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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If you are going to have a fight with a visiting club, be sure to insult them the day they come to town, and not the last day of the series. It pays off better.
(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
If it weren’t for marriage, husband and wives would have to fight with strangers.
Charles 'Chic' Murray
(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
My father only hit me once – but he used a Volvo.
(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
I will personally challenge anyone who wants to get rid of fighting to a fight.
American-Canadian hockey executive
My toughest fight was with my first wife.
(1942 – ) American boxing champion
I'd rather fight than score.
Canadian hockey player
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
(1973 – ) American comedian
If I play badly I’ll pick a fight in the third, just to get into a fight. I’ll break a guy’s leg to win, I don’t care. Afterward I say, ‘Yeah, all right I played badly, but I won the fight so who gives a damn.'
Canadian hockey player
The fights you avoid do you far more good than the ones you will win.
We know how much fans enjoy a good brawl, so we are going to guarantee a fight. If there is not a single five-minute fighting major given to a player, every fan in attendance will receive a free ticket to the following home game.
Houston Aeros Website
Promoting fighting on the ice
The Middle Eastern states aren’t nations, they’re quarrels with borders.
(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.
(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.
(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.
Joe Bob Briggs
(John Bloom) (1953 – ) American film critic, writer & actor
Most people assume the fights are going to be the left versus the right, but it always is the reasonable versus the jerks.
(1966 – ) entrepreneur, founder of Wikipedia
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
If hockey fights were fake, I'd be in more of them.
professional hockey player
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
He scored hockey by the number of fights. If you lost seven to one, but won five fights, he figured you won the game.
Canadian businessman, sportsman & owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs
Of ‘King’ Clancy
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
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