Subject: Conflict » Fights

Hockey’s the only place where a guy can go nowadays and watch two white guys fight.


(1938 – ) American sportswriter & novelist

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

It's possible to disagree with someone about the ethics of non-violence without wanting to kick his face in.

(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director

Most people assume the fights are going to be the left versus the right, but it always is the reasonable versus the jerks.

(1966 – ) entrepreneur, founder of Wikipedia

He scored hockey by the number of fights. If you lost seven to one, but won five fights, he figured you won the game.

Canadian businessman, sportsman & owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs

If you can’t beat them, arrange 
to have them beaten

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director

When your back is against the wall, there is only one thing to do, and that is turn around and fight.

(1943 – ) British prime minister & politician

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

When I got through with him, he was all covered wit' blood… my blood.

(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor

You might be a redneck if… you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I’m not a fighter, I’m a bleeder.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

[After a fight] Yeah, I’m fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy’s fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

My father only hit me once – but he used a Volvo.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

I've had 117 fights and that's the first time I've ever won.

(1929 – ) American baseball player who had a well-publicized bipolar disorder
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