Subject: Emotions

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I can’t do two things at once; I can’t have intercourse and enjoy myself at the same time.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Laughter is the best medicine – unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

(Robert Norman Davis) (1945 – ) British comedian & actor

If you can eat anything you want to, what’s the fun in eating anything you want to?

(1956 – ) movie actor

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

He was grinning like a butchers dog.

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor

The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion.

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster

If humor was the foundation of my life, men were definitely the first floor.

(1946 – 1989) comedian & actress

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

My wife and I were happy for twenty years… before we met.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

(1925 – 2005) television host

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
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