Subject: Emotions

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

(1925 – 2005) television host

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

Give them pleasure – the same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer

Love thy neighbor… and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Cheerfulness: The art of concealing your true feelings.

Men love war because it allows them to look serious… it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.

(1926 – 2005) English novelist & essayist

Love is the only industry which can't operate on a five-day week.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist

Sex alleviates tension; love causes it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

(1931 – ) American author & newspaper journalist

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

I quit because I was in the hospital and I realized that I truly believed that laughter was the best medicine, but it turns out penicillin works a hell of a lot better.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.

(1888 – 1972) French actor, singer & entertainer

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector; and just as I suspected, my machine was broken.

(1982 – ) American author

Love may be a dream but marriage is a nightmare.

(1933 – ) English actress & author

Love: The triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Ecstasy: Happiness with its clothes off.

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad.

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian; well, they’re not laughing now.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
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