Subject: Places » New York City

In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, possibly unemployable, actor.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

I really don't like living there; I have to for health reasons; I'm very paranoid, and New York's the only place where my fears are justified.

American comedian

The first time I ever came into a game there [Yankee Stadium], I got in the bullpen car and they told me to lock the doors.

American baseball pitcher

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

New York, the nation's thyroid gland.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

Running for senator in New York is like bobbing for piranhas.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

Police: Bank Robber Had Shopping Addiction

New York is the only place where if you have talent, and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do then some day, maybe – just maybe – you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

There is no room for amateurs… even in crossing the streets.

(1934 – ) American actor

If Jeffrey Dahmer lived in New York, New Yorkers would have been like, 'Hey, you think that apartment's available?'

comedian, television writer

I just flew in from New York City, and boy is my middle finger tired.

comedian

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

1. Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. 2. A free agent is anything but. 3. Whatever can go to New York will..

I moved to New York for my health; I’m paranoid, and New York was the only place where my fears were justified.

A city where everyone mutinies but no one deserts.

(1885 –1974) American cartoonist, humor writer & radio personality

“New York, New York” – so good they named it twice.

(1947 – ) American singer-songwriter

I go to New York and I saw a big sign saying “America Loves Smirnoff” and I said to myself, what a country!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

There are two million interesting people in New York and only seventy-eight in Los Angeles.

(1927 – ) playwright & screenwriter

You could go out at four in the morning, after a nuclear bomb destroys the entire eastern seaboard, and the Triborough Bridge would be jammed.

(1960 – ) American comedian

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

(1925 – 2005) television host













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