Subject: Places » New York City

1. Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. 2. A free agent is anything but. 3. Whatever can go to New York will..

Activities Murphy’s Laws New York City Places Sports

Running for senator in New York is like bobbing for piranhas.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Elections/Voting Government New York City Places

It'll be a great place if they ever finish it.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer
New York City Places

NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station; and just like New York taxis… they’re all going to be driven by aliens.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
New York City Places

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs New York City Places Religion

Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Cold New York City Places Science/Weather Situations

I really don't like living there; I have to for health reasons; I'm very paranoid, and New York's the only place where my fears are justified.

American comedian
Health New York City Places

If Jeffrey Dahmer lived in New York, New Yorkers would have been like, 'Hey, you think that apartment's available?'

comedian, television writer
New York City People Places

A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else; the same with good manners.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Autos New York City Places Things

I go to New York and I saw a big sign saying “America Loves Smirnoff” and I said to myself, what a country!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America New York City Places Self

In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, possibly unemployable, actor.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
New York City Occupations Places Work

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

(1925 – 2005) television host
New York City People Places

New York is not Mecca… it just smells like it.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Characteristics New York City Places

New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
New York City People Places

You could go out at four in the morning, after a nuclear bomb destroys the entire eastern seaboard, and the Triborough Bridge would be jammed.

(1960 – ) American comedian
New York City Places

I come from New York where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by your wallet.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach
New York City Places

1. Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
2. You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
3. A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws New York City Places

I moved to New York for my health; I’m paranoid, and New York was the only place where my fears were justified.

Fear Health New York City Places

New York… when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
New York City Places

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Driving New York City Places

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Food/Drink New York City Places