Author: P.J. O'Rourke

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Ideas Sex Situations

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Housework Situations World

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities America Drugs Education People

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Golf Sports

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Children Family Parents

Why don’t you come over tonight? … our dog’s in heat.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults

The Middle Eastern states aren’t nations, they’re quarrels with borders.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Conflict Fights Places

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Food/Drink

You can always reason with a German… you can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fisherman.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Canada Places

Satan probably wouldn’t have talked so big if God had been his wife.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Marriage Wives

The French are masters of ‘the dog ate my homework’ school of diplomatic relations.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
People Places

Compared to the Clintons, Reagan is living proof that a Republican with half a brain is better than a Democrat with two.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults Politicians

Americans don't really understand what's going on in Bosnia; to them it's the unspellables killing the unpronouncables.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Communication Language Places

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Food/Drink

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Characteristics Government Money Politics

To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

… what is your host’s purpose in having a party; surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities

A compromise in the sense that being bitten in half by a shark is a compromise with being swallowed whole.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Situations