Author: Redd Foxx

My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow; and I am the only driver she ever had!

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

We were poor… if I wasn’t a boy, I wouldn’t have had nothing to play with.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?

Redd Foxx: I wouldn’t have it any other way.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

I’m 65. People say I look 55. I feel 45. I’d settle for 35 and you make me feel 25.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Esther, warn me before you come in so I have a chance to cover all of the mirrors!.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down.

Fred: And this Louisville slugger will knock you out.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

My first wife, I’ll never forget her… and I’ve tried.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

If you see the handwriting on the wall, you’re in the toilet..

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn’t remind you of anything.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?

Fred: I’m calling you ugly, I could push our face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? … A pickpocket snatches watches.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Esther, you wouldn’t want a drink, because you are a drink… a zombie!.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Aunt Esther: My body was blessed by Mother Nature, honey.

Fred: And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Peter Marshall: Redd, of the stolen cars in this country, are many of them ever recovered?

Redd Foxx: Why sure, I had one recovered in zebra once.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Some people just shake’n bake, but I buy’n fry.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Peter Marshall: True or false… most African soccer teams have their own witch doctor.

Redd Foxx: That’s true…and their motto is, “If you can’t beat ‘em, eat ‘em.”

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

I’m callin’ you ugly, I could stick yo face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian













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