Subject: Activities (Page 15)

One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports Travel

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Sleep Time

I used to live with five straight guys and – ew, the cleaning schedule was 'nope.'

comedian
Housework Men People

Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It’s been along for years… it’s called cash.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities People Shopping Women

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Emotions Exercise Love Sex

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

(1925 – 2001) actor & musician
Activities Golf People Sports

It's like, I hate getting up in the morning, unless it's over and over and over and over again… then I'm good.

American comedian & musician
Situations Sleep

I don’t know… I’ve never smoked it.

(1943 – ) American football player
Activities Sports

Jamaican Air – Every flight is the red-eye!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Travel

Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Animals Games

Bridge is a friendly game invented by two married couples who disliked each other.

Activities Games

In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Activities America Places Travel

Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Housework People Situations

Virginia has already spent more on plugging Shawn Moore for the Heisman Trophy than Thomas Jefferson spent getting elected president.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Football Government Money Sports

Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer point precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Situations Sleep

He was asked to throw out the first ball at a World Series game; but … he looked at the ball and, instead of throwing it, he put it in his pocket and sat down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Frugal Money Sports

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Autos Driving Fools Intelligence Things

Sex is like a game of bridge… if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Games Sex

Beware the hobby that eats.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Activities Eating Food/Drink

It is an undoubted truth, that the less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in.

Lord Chesterfield (1694 – 1773) British statesman
Activities Time