Subject: Activities (Page 37)

Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations Sleep

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Activities Exercise Television

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Housework

I just did some serious cleaning in here; you could totally eat off this table.

Activities

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Age Children Family Situations Sleep

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold on to the receipt.

Appearance Body Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Driving Men People Women

Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Emotions Happiness People Situations Sleep

I reckoned if my boobs got any lower I would have to buy them their own pair of shoes.

(1959 – ) British novelist
Activities Appearance Body

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Sex Travel

Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Beliefs Religion Shopping

My friend’s snoring is so bad his wife bought one of those anti-snoring devices; I believe it’s called a Taser.

American speaker, humorist & singer-songwriter
Activities Sleep

The only exercise I get is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise.

(1932 – 2013) Irish stage & film actor
Activities Exercise

Almost nobody dances sober, unless they happen to be insane.

(1890 – 1937) author
Activities Alcohol Dance

I go running when I have to – like when the ice cream truck is going 60, or I need a lift to the bakery.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Activities Exercise Food/Drink

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Autos Driving Places

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

(1925 – 2001) actor & musician
Activities Golf People Sports

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

I went on a job interview and the lady asked me if I’d pass a drug test; I said, “Yeah, if it’s written.”

American comedian
Drugs Work

The shortest route has the steepest hills.

Activities Murphy’s Laws