Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 6)

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Dogs Things

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Dogs Relationships

I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

(1849 – 1912) Swedish writer
Animals Dogs Emotions

I don't have to walk my dog anymore… I walked him all at once.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Dogs Friends Money People Wives

You might be a redneck if… your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dogs Relationships

What's black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? … a Doberman.

(1931 – 2001) Canadian author, screenwriter & essayist
Animals Dogs Insults Lawyers

My parents had to tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Family Parents

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Health

I spend three minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog; then I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult.

American comedian
Animals Dogs Self

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions People

I got a new dog… he’s a paranoid retriever; he brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs Wordplay

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

A lot of rich women seeing how small they can get their dogs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Dogs Places Women

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs Characteristics Dogs

I tell ya, my dog is lazy; he don’t chase cars… he sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child; we can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Children Dogs Family

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Animals Dogs

Dogs are forever in the push-up position.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs