Subject: Beliefs » God

I read the Book of Job last night; I don’t think God comes out of it well.

(1882 – 1941) English writer

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

A thick skin is a gift from God.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

If God wanted us to believe in him, he’d exist.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer

God is not dead but alive and working on a much less ambitious project.

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

It’s hard to believe that if there is a God, he would want people to stand in the street and shout like maniacs. I think He would choose better qualified people.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist

To you, I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Helping the Retarded To Know God

If you want to know what God thinks of money, you only have to look at those to whom he gives it.

(1874 – 1945) English writer, translator & war correspondent

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

In the beginning there was nothing and God said ‘Let there be light,’ and there was still nothing, but everybody could see it.

(1949 – ) Canadian comedian & actor

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist

I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world.

(1884 – 1966) French author

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

The only thing that stops God sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

(1741 – 1794) French writer

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian