Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Characteristics
(Page 6)
If an ass goes a-traveling, he'll not come home a horse.
African proverb
Characteristics
Proverbs
Situations
Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Definitions
Laziness
The search for someone to blame is always successful.
Robert Half
businessman
Characteristics
Relationships
Success
Blame
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
Dooley's Law
Characteristics
Murphy’s Laws
Trust
If it looks easy, it's tough… if it looks tough, it's near impossible.
Stockmayer's Theorem
Characteristics
Murphy’s Laws
Situations
Difficult
Impossible
Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics
Men
People
Women
Rights
Wrongs
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
Paula Poundstone
(1959 – ) American comedian
Characteristics
Taxes
Sin
Wages
Power corrupts; absolute power is kind of neat.
John F. Lehman
(1942 – ) American investment banker, writer & Secretary of the Navy
Characteristics
Influence
Power
The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.
Thomas Carlyle
(1795 – 1881) Scottish philosopher, writer, historian & teacher
Characteristics
Faults
How long is it polite to pretend to continue to listen to someone after they’ve revealed they’ve got a boyfriend?
Russell Brand
(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics
Communication
Boyfriends
Listen
She's generous to a fault… if it's her own.
Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer
(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics
Communication
Criticism
Generosity
If he fell into a pile of horse shit, he’d start looking for a pony.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Expressions
Luck
Positive attitude
Chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition.
Alexander Comfort M.D. Ph.D.
(1920 – 2000) physician, gerontologist, pacifist, anarchist & writer
Characteristics
Sex
Chastity
Virtues
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
Billy Connolly
(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Beliefs
Characteristics
Religion
Jesus
Names
Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics
People
I have a lot of growing up to do; I realized that the other day inside my fort.
Zach Galifianakis
(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Age
Characteristics
Maturing
A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics
Stubbornness
Many a live wire would be a dead one except for his connections.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics
Connections
Influence
It only takes a room of Americans for the English and Australians to realize how much we have in common.
Stephen Fry
(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Characteristics
England
People
Places
Americans
Australians
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs
Characteristics
Emotions
Conscience
I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive; I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.
Dylan Moran
(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics
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