Subject: Communication » Language

Why is the alphabet in that order?… is it because of that song?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Language

If you substitute damn every time you’re inclined to write very your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language Reading/Writing

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Oral contraceptive: The word "no."

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Communication Language Sex

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Communication Language

Dependent: Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other one.


Communication Language

Contempt: The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Epigram: A wisecrack that played Carnegie Hall.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Definitions Language

Clairvoyant: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

What happened to the first 6 “ups?”

Communication Food/Drink Language

A man who calls bullshit fertilizer.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Communication Individuals Language Lies

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Communication Language

I recently gave a talk to a group of backpackers; they were on the edge of their seats.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

A cure for agoraphobics is just around the corner.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Health Language

Abstainer: A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Loquacity: A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Conversation Definitions Language Speech

To avoid misunderstanding, I’ll stop speaking formal English and just use the binocular.

Communication Language Malaprops

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language People Things

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather