Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Communication
(Page 15)
Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age
Animals
Books
Communication
Dogs
Intelligence
Reading/Writing
Relationships
Situations
Juries
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Marty Feldman
(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Reading/Writing
Things
Pen
Sword
You can say ‘Thanks,’ and you can say ‘Thanks a Million’ – but any number in between? … uhuh.
Demetri Martin
(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication
Language
Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
Hesketh Pearson
(1887 – 1964) British actor, writer & theater director
Communication
Language
Speech
Misquotations
Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sex
Wordplay
Sex education
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.
Sam Ewing
(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Communication
Intelligence
Speech
During an election campaign the air is full of speeches and vice versa.
Henry Adams
(1838 – 1918) journalist, historian, academic & novelist
Communication
Elections/Voting
Government
Speech
There is no thief like a bad book.
Italian proverb
Books
Communication
Proverbs
Reading/Writing
Three years ago, I couldn't spell author. Now I am one.
Don Cherry
Canadian hockey player, coach & commentator
Communication
Hockey
Reading/Writing
Sports
Referring to his autobiography
I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
Nancy Reagan
(1921 – ) former First Lady of the United States & actress
Communication
Misspokements
Speech
Death penalty
Never ruin an apology with an excuse.
Kimberly Johnson
(1971 – ) American poet & Renaissance scholar
Communication
Apology
Excuse
Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Communication
Self
Speech
Gossip
If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
Fran Lebowitz
(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Art
Communication
Entertainment
Reading/Writing
Painting
Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. “I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!”
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication
Language
Knock on wood
An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
Dwight D. 'Ike' Eisenhower
(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General
Communication
Intelligence
Speech
Intellectuals
Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals
Cats
Communication
Definitions
Language
If people don't sit at Chaplin's feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting.
Herman J. Mankiewicz
(1897 – 1953) American writer & producer
Communication
Charlie Chaplin
Criticism
Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Old
Science/Weather
Barometer
If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read "President Can't Swim.”
Lyndon Johnson
(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Communication
(also Margaret Thatcher)
Criticism
Potomac River
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the other one.
Baltasar Gracián
Communication
Language
Synonym
Words
Sure, 90% of science fiction is crud; that's because 90% of everything is crud.
Theodore Sturgeon
(1918 – 1985) science fiction author
Books
Insults
Reading/Writing
Criticism
Page 15 of 86
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