Subject: Communication (Page 2)

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, talking to this guy about the Gaza Strip; he thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Conversation People Stupidity Things

Gigolo: A fee-male.

Definitions Wordplay

Yeah, I tried to see it from your point of view, but I couldn’t get my head that far up my ass.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Communication Insults

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things Wordplay

Tears: Remorse code.

Definitions Wordplay

The New York Times is read by the people who run the country; the Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country; the National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country…

entrepreneur, software engineer & game programmer
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

Whenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of a sentence, the probability of an error being made will be in direct proportion to the embarrassment it will cause.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Speech

When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers; we haven’t spoken since.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Family Fathers People Speech

The difference between burlesque and the newspapers is that the former never pretended to be performing a public service by exposure.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Communication Reading/Writing

I quit my job at the helium gas factory; I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech Work

How long is it polite to pretend to continue to listen to someone after they’ve revealed they’ve got a boyfriend?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Communication

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Emotions Speech

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

I was going to join the debating team, but somebody talked me out of it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Activities Communication Speech

Some people are widely read – I'm thinly read.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Intelligence People Reading/Writing Self

Yodeling: Slope opera.

Definitions Wordplay

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

I remember what my grandmother said to me on her deathbed: She said: ‘I wish I’d bought a normal bed.’

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Communication Death Last words Wordplay

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements Places

My wife… its difficult to say what she does… she sells seashells on the seashore.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Communication