Subject: Communication (Page 46)

The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw.”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication England Language Places

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

(1887 – 1948) American journalist & humorist
Age Communication Old

I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”

Communication Language Wordplay

And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, “A truck!”

(1956 – ) American comedian
Communication Death Family Language Last words

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication Intelligence Speech Thinking

There are many inside dopes in politics and government.

Fools Government Intelligence Language Murphy’s Laws Politics

What orators lack in depth they make up for in length.

Communication Speech

I was in a book store and saw a French looking girl, she was bi-illterate… she couldn’t read in two languages.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Reading/Writing

I wish my first spoken word was 'Quote' so I could make my last word 'Unquote'.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech

Why is it that when anything goes without saying, it never does?

writer
Communication Speech

I'm not much of a storyteller… interesting how that all started…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech

I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy… they're both in my car and I want you to see them.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Pornography is literature designed to be read with one hand.

(1940 – 2007) British journalist, art critic & author
Communication Sex

I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial-a-lama.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Communication Wordplay

Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg; it seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Beliefs Communication Opinion Speech

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

(1888 – 1965) British (US-born) critic, dramatist & poet
Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

All really grim gardeners possess a keen sense of humus.

(1898 – 1951) Scottish humorist
Activities Wordplay

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.

Appearance Body Wordplay

The literary gift is a mere accident – is as often bestowed on idiots who have nothing to say worth hearing as it is denied to strenuous sages.

(1872 – 1956) English essayist, parodist & caricaturist
Communication Reading/Writing

Sex is better than talk… talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Communication Conversation Sex Speech

What's the opposite of opposite?

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor
Communication Wordplay