Subject: Communication (Page 75)

You want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Communication Girlfriends Marriage Relationships Speech

Censor: A man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Communication Definitions Language

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of William Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Communication Reading/Writing

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Communication Husbands Marriage

Discriminate: To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language People

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Communication Language

… when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humor, the writing is on the wall.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Communication Reading/Writing

The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a (newspaper) column is in direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.

Anger Characteristics Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

When people say “It’s always the last place you look;” of course it is… why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Communication

Throwing acid is wrong… in some people’s eyes.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language

The effectiveness of a telephone conversation is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.

Communication Conversation Murphy’s Laws Time

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician
Men People Speech Women

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements Speech

What’s interesting about sports writers is that they don’t know how to play sports, and a lot of them don’t know how to write.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations Sleep World

Gold Digger: A woman after all.

Definitions People Women Wordplay

Avant-garde? … That’s French for bullshit.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter
Communication Language

Another term for a balloon is a bad breath holder.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Wordplay

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar: the barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Communication

A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Age Reading/Writing